A Day Away From Strawberry Fields

A Day Away from Strawberry Fields

Some days,
I’d wake up
And that was enough
To feel defeated.

Some days,
I’d wake up,
And feel the strawberry fields
On my wrists.
I am a scar left by a kiss.

Some days,
I’d wake up,
And I’d fall back to sleep.
Because you still live in my day dreams-
Life is easier when I don’t think about what you did
But some days it’s all I do.

Some nights
I’d wake up
In cold sweats of post trauma
I think of you more than I ought to.
Thorns still grow out of my skin
These seeds grow from within;
My garden is yours.
I am a haunted house without walls,
Hell itself reached deep inside of me,
Beneath the fields are flames,
Burning the walls of my sanity.

Some nights I can still taste
Your metallic tongue,
Ours over and under
An iron snake in my throat
You were the lightening and the thunder
And I found an iron blade
And ripped myself asunder.
These stawberry fields
Just won’t seem heal-
From this cat of nine tails
Are scars on my back
You are the reason the sky turned black.

The other day I nearly didn’t wake up.
The day after, I wished I hadn’t.

Yesterday,
I woke up.
And I felt
Safe. From you,
But also from myself-
Like I knew the worst was behind me.

Today,
I woke up
And I thought about
Not thinking about not thinking about you
Today I woke up
And the sky was blue.

Tomorrow I will wake up
And shower for the first time in weeks.
Wash from my hair these sorrows
Life’s too quick and my time is borrowed.

I will leave the house
And not be scared of seeing you
I’m thankful I’m a graveyard
And the ghost I made of you
I’m thankful I worked through my pain
And I didn’t become you.
And I’m thankful for every day I am given,
Both the easy and hard ones I’m living
And I’m thankful I live them without you.

You are in strawberry fields,
Trapped in your tomorrows
You choked on your pain
And drowned in your sorrows.
I am more than the corpses you buried in me,
And I am more than a victim who sets himself free
By forcing his sadness into somebody.
I saw myself through
What you tried to do
And I have outgrown you.

Heal, they tell me.
But they are asking me to make
Medicine out of madness.
Heal, they tell me.
I have no choice.
Once you told me to be silent
But now I have a voice.
I have to do it,
Face the world and walk through it
The strength of an army in my spine
I am taking back my life.
You took my world with you,
So I made one anew.

And I am more than clusters scars
Over sharing with strangers
And crying in bars
I am broken, and beautiful.
All the best poets are fucked up
And dying made me realise I’m good enough.
I will not blame myself
For the shit that I’ve seen
For what you did to me
I will trust desire and run free
And know what it means
To be young and happy.
I will not think of love and feel sick
I will kiss strangers
And suck a thousand fucking dicks

And when I do
I won’t think of you.
And when I do
I won’t think of you.
Memories are pending in this pain
And one day I will forget your name.
I am thankful that I love
Who I have become;
I am beautiful. Yes, I am beautiful
And I am strong and worthy.
I will be loved, and know how happiness feels.
I promise you,
I will walk of out these strawberry fields.