Poem #19 God and I

God and I

God and I haven’t spoken in some time,
Because last time I did
He bid me reply.
I said to him: “God, my father, king of all things true,
My mind is dark with uncertainty
And there are questions I must ask you.

Have you seen that man
With his pride
And in his hand a child bride?
Do you not care
That with a stare
The girl was ensnared?

Hundreds of my queer sisters
Have their rights snatched away
And hundreds of my queer brothers
Are stoned for being gay.
You know this, my lord,
What do you have to say?

And what about I,
Oh lord of mine?
When I was under
The man who was my world
I spread my lips to pray
And God said not a word.

After everything I’ve done to myself
Can I really be forgiven?
Why is it the crimes of cruel men
Stay hidden?
Dormant?
Like the victims are unimportant?

Because I was first abused
When I was just eleven
And when I tried to kill myself
You sent me tears from heaven
But do you look down on me like a pillar of salt?

Am I just your servant, a pervert, who never lived with the sex that was in his assault.

Would you take back
Everything I’ve been through?
And if this is just a test
How could Job forgive you?

Because Adam, Kain and Abel
They’re all fine but Eve,
Eve lost her fucking mind
When the snake took her in Eden
Trauma struck her blind-
How many Eve’s do you know?
How many snakes did you let slip
Because you deemed the lives of men too important?

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
If you knew what your sons did
You would not love them the same.
How many angels lose their wings
Until you feel ashamed?
Hell, lead us not into blindness
And deliver us from men.
Amen.

And then,
God heard these words, and the world,
And he turned.
God has heard my prayer,
And he said not a word.